3 November 2010

Warnings from my waistband

It's been brought to my attention that I've been slacking on the blog front lately...

Waist: What IS your problem girlie?
Me: Dunno. I'm just not in the blogging, slimming zone.  I've lost my mojo. I just couldn't give a toffee about slimming right now.
Waist: Well it's not good enough Tubster. You know the pattern. You get grumpy about gaining weight, then you eat crap because you're grumpy about it, and before you know it the fat pants are out.
Me: You're right, I do, and sadly, they are. The fat pants are back in town. Not the 20s, but the 18s.
Waist: Well, you know what Inner Bitch would say if she was here, don't you?
Me: Yeah, but I've banished her from giving me a hard time. I'm trying to be nicer to myself. Geneen told me I should.
Waist: Well, I think you may have taken the niceness a little too far. I'm advocating some tough love.
Me: But it's dark, it's cold and my squirrel DNA is telling me I need an extra layer for winter. And I don't do  tough love.
Waist: Well I do, so get off your lardy and go buy some veg. I tried to warn you last week but you didn't listen. Looks like I'll need need to ramp up the guerilla tactics to make you listen.
Me: So it was you that popped the button on my trousers in Sainsbury's the other day? You lousy...
Waist: Yup. Had to do something drastic. You were stockpiling enough chocolate in your trolley to see a normal person through a nuclear winter.
Me: Bugger. Thought no-one saw me.
Waist: I'm on to you lady! Consider the button incident a friendly warning. And be thankful I didn't do it in the freezer aisle.

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

Hilarious! Yes I can relate - squirrel DNA!

Tracey said...

Don't be downhearted, it's that time of year. I had the lurgy last week and between that and long kitchen shifts I resorted to takeaways more than once. Not good! Still, its a new and hopefully healthier week now! Onwards and er, downwards, at least as far as the scales are concerned.

Slimma said...

Thanks for encouragement. I'm eating a crumpet at the moment, which isn't really going to help! Done the takeaway this week already too. Oh dear. Next week WILL be better.

Chill! Losing weight is hard enough!

Feel like snacking? Go pop some bubble wrap instead!