Ouch!

Due to the sky, or some other heavy unidentified object falling on my head blogging is suspended till tomorrow....
Right, where are those pills....

Blog a blog blog blog, blog a blog blog!

A surf around the blogosphere is an absolute delight. Yesterday I found myself mesmerised by a person who blogs about clouds, a blog that encourages you to send in photos of yourself with a paper bag on your head, preferably in far flung and unusual places. But my favourite was the blogger who has dedicated himself to 'shopping' badly airbrushed or manipulated posters and magazine covers to the public.

Within moments I found myself marvelling at the fact that in one poster Lois Lane's arm does indeed appear to be 5 foot long! And did you know that in the film poster for Basic Instinct in Korea for some reason Sharon Stone was photoshopped so she'd have wet hair, but in the mirror behind her she's still got, yes, you guessed it... dry hair!

DA DA DAH!

Yes, folks it's another heinous photoshopping crime solved by our mysterious blogging wunderkind! We can all sleep easy in our beds knowing he's on the case! I for one am SO relieved.

Oh yes, if you've not yet sampled the delights of the blogosphere you are missing out, dear ones. There's a whole planet of weirdness out there!

And then, just when you're about to take your hallucination meds, you see something that's actually quite useful...

So I leave you with clever idea of the day. Virtual weight loss, courtesy of Weight View... www.weightview.com
Sign up, upload a photo and BOOM! they send you back the same photo of you but at your goal weight. Quick tip...you need to sign up to facebook and invent a US zip code or it won't work.

But you can see above why I like it so much. Nothing like a little instant gratification to keep the pounds falling off!
P.S. Paperbag heads are optional!
P.P.S. I was in a far flung location too!

Flumoxed by fashion?

Looking about while out shopping the other day it struck me that when it comes to choosing clothes, lardy women like myself (shall we just shorten that to lardettes?) do appear to fall into two distinct tribes.

1. The 'Oh god, I'd die if I thought people were staring and laughing at my flabby bits so there's no way I'm wearing anything clingier than a tent' tribe.

OR

2. The 'I'll choose uber-tight clothes that enhance my spare tyres and reveal my muffin top with pride and I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks coz girlfriend I FEEL GOOOOD! ' tribe.

For the last decade I've generally sought comfort at baggy camp. Even the slightest notion that I might be inflicting my flab on the public would instantly drain the colour from my cheeks.

Now though I feel like I'm flailing around somewhere in the middle. I know I need the help of the fashion police but I've no idea who to ask.

You see, I've kind of lost it with Trinny and Susannah, Nicky HJ and Gok.

Since they first appeared on our tellys a few years ago they have made it abundantly clear that tent-life is no longer acceptable. So I really have been doing my best to try and adapt…

Gok: Baggy isn't flattering. It makes you look bigger girlfriend! OK, I'll try and get with the programme…

T&S: Got huge boobs? Wear deep V necklines. Hey, that does look better! Oi, hands off Susannah!

Nicky: Wide leg trousers will balance out your giant hips. Wow, AMAZING, that works too. Loving your specs by the way!

But then we got...

T&S: Your body is either an apple or a pear or a nectarine or a cucumber or a brick? WHHHAAAAATTTTT? You're having a laugh!

Then the magazines weren't being much help either. Take those photo features that start…

What swimsuit to buy IF YOU HAVE…

a) big boobs

b) a tubby tummy

c) thunder thighs

d) swimmer's shoulders

But which, funnily enough, never remembered to add a suit for those of us who have ticked…

e) all of the above!

So what now? What is the answer for the likes of me and my kind? Should we form our own fashion tribe and, if so, what should we wear?

Gok: That's easy, girlfriend. Just take your scissors, cut away one panel from that family-sized tent of yours and add a nice chunky belt! Sorted!

All in the mind?

Considering how ropey things were getting on Friday, on reflection, I'd have to count last week as a full-on success.

Because despite a strawberry tart, steak and chips, a chocolate desert to die for, a few glasses of Merlot and a couple of other edible compadres from my decadent past slipping through security and flooring me with their charms, I have somehow STILL managed to lose 2lb.

Yes, it seems I am indeed mastering the cunning arts of risk management and positive thinking!

* Prior to the steak and chips, said evil chocolate desert and Merlot, I did propel myself round a park a few times resulting only in minimal casualties (they should ban those long dog leads!), so I earned it, right?

* Before I allowed that strawberry tart to whisper its sweet nothings in my direction, I got in the mood with a quick sprint along the beach at St Andrews. Well, ok, that's a lie, but I did do some pretty impressive slow motion Chariots of Fire-style running along that beach!

Yeah, yeah, you can mock if you like but, according to modern neuroscience, thinking is quite often as just as good as doing. (Inner Sloth is with me on this one!)

So I'm going to keep it up. Only next time I'm doing my slo-mo running along the West Sands I think I'll be Pammy from Baywatch instead. Those 1920s long-johns didn't half itch.

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PS.If you've just turned up, I was pimping my blog yesterday. Why not try out the groovy new comments feature below...don't be shy now! You can do it!

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P.P.S. Not kidding about that mind over matter stuff...check out scientist and author Dr David Hamilton on the matter...no, really!

Earth to the blogosphere....come in, do you read me?

Yeah baby yeah! I'm pimping my blog! Oh hello! Don't mind me...just talking to myself as I go....tum dee dum dee dum, oh would you look at that lovely blue box that's just appeared down below...it's a new comments feature that makes it easier for folks to have threaded conversations. Maybe that'll encourage my lovely readers to talk to me and spur me on...
OK...let's give it a go!

So come on folks...Got any snippets of wisdom that'll help me on my quest? Got any questions? Want to set me a challenge (that doesn't involve running or fish?)

Don't keep it to yourselves...Out with it!

And by the way, as it's now Sunday evening, are you ready to 'get your stuff done' tomorrow or are you by any chance procrastinating like this guy?...