It's a conspiracy I tell you!

There's nothing like a big steaming bowl of soup now that it's getting colder. I reckon it's probably a slimmer's best friend. Shame the process of making it is so darn dangerous.

I'm fairly safe with courgettes and carrots but I now suspect that some seemily innocent looking veg is, em, how can I say this without inviting a visit from the men in white coats, ... out to get me.

It's no joke. Take butternut squash - I love its sweet taste and fleshy texture, but I've yet to peel and chop one without it escaping my grip and flying torpedo-like across the kitchen. I don't remember rugby tackling being flagged up as a required culinary skill in Home Ec class, but my bruises say otherwise.

Then there's the humble onion, the veg that can at the best of times reduce a grown man or woman to tears - or total hysterics if you stupidly wipe your streaming eyes with your arm having just leant on some chilli.

AAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh yeah, you gotta watch the chilli and its sneaky guerrilla tactics, let me tell you.

This isn't cooking. This is WAR!