OMG, that was some headache yesterday. Inner Goddess hauled me kicking and screaming from my computer screen and imposed a strict blogging embargo.
IG: No blogging till the room stops moving around and the lights stop flashing and that’s final!
Thank heavens for horse pills, that’s all I can say. Mind you, the pain was almost worth it for the cracking dream I had in the afternoon…
LOCATION: SAINSBURY’S SUPERMARKET, SWEETIE AISLE.
Family-size bar of Dairy Milk chocolate speaking in sexy French accent: Hey Baby I am two for one aujourd’hui…how’z about a treesome!
Me: You talkin’ to me?
DM: But of course, Baby! I saw you look-ing. I KNOW zat you are my kind of woman!
Me (blushing): Really? I’m not that easy you know!”
DM (flashing his shiny purple wrapper seductively):Oh, playing all coy now are we? I remember ze good ol’ days! Just toi et moi, a steaming HOT mug of tea and NO interruptionz!
Me: I’ve told you before Dairy Milk, those days are over!. I don’t DO chocolate no more!
ENTER Queen of trailer trash afternoon telly, Ricki Lake…
Ricki Lake:That’s not what we’ve heard! Fry’s Turkish Delight over there says you’ve been giving him some part time lovin for the past three weeks!
Me: That’s a lie, a dirty lie, I tell you! Dairy Milk, honey, don’t listen to her. I may be slimming, but you’re right, I still only have eyes for you!
Ricki Lake: There’s only one way to find out - LIE DETECTOR TEST!!! What do you say people, should she take the test?
Mob of grannies: Take the test, take the test, take the test!!!
Me: Fine, I’ll take it! Satisfied?
Ricki: Well the results are in and I have to tell you, it looks like someone’s been-a-cheatin!
DM(devastated!): I can’t believe it. Ma Cherie and zat puny gelatinous Turkish upstart? You chose HIM over moi? Look at him, he doesn’t even have a six pack. He’s all wobbly inside!
Me (ashamed!): I know, but he’s only 200 calories a bar. I thought I’d get away with it!
Mob of grannies closing in: CHEATER, CHEATER, CHEATER!!!
Distant Voice: Wake up, wake up, wake up you silly cow, you’re dreaming!!
Me:AHHHHHHHHH! Oh thank God it’s you Inner Goddess. I just had the weirdest dream. There was Ricki Lake, talking chocolate, evil pensioners. It was bloomin’ terrifying!
IG: I gather that, but it’s alright now….HEY, hang on… what’s that pink shiny wrapper sticking out from under your pillow?
